i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
