STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
