I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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