The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
operation have a gay friend backfired
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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