i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
