i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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