Banned from zoo.
Again?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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