Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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