Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
