Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
