So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I want to fling myself into the sun
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
