We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
