I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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