So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
