carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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