Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
