don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
