i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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