I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
