I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
