just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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