I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
