Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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