420 ftw
operation harelip BJ is a go
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
