she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
