Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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