I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
