I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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