why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
