I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
