Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we made out on top of his cat.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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