Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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