Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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