I faked an abortion last night.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
