i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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