I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry about my life...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
