this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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