Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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