I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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