i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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