hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
