I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
where does the pee come out of this thing
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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