I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
