11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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