i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
COCAINE IS GR8
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
