Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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