things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
