Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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