It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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