She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so let's talk penis.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
