My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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