Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
