Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
