Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
