walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
