How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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