dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
