I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
