There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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