i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
