Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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