Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
