Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
