Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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