Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
