How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Houston, we have a squirter
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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