i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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