I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
