I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
