Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
