The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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