He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
