if you like me you must not know who I am
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
