I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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