oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
