are you so shy because you have an std?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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