I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
