HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
