Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
