She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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