I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
