hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
