I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
