HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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