i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
