Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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