You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
