So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
