I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
