I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
